Gilded Cage Part 1
by SaraNomed
Summary: If you were used to being able to do anything you wanted, at any time, would it drive you mad to suddenly be thrown into a cage, no matter how sweet it was or how much you had wished for it? This is the struggle for one John Smith... NOTE: It was brought to my attention that the story somehow double-posted itself. I'm working on fixing this. Thank you.
1. Chapter 1

It was raining. Again. It was always raining. At least it seemed that way to him.

John (the name he had chosen to go with. ("For now", he had said, "it's not everyday one gets to pick his own name!") sat in the window seat of the library room, chin in his hand, staring blankly at the rain running down the glass pane. All four (well five, inlcluding Rose's little brother) lived in her father's mansion for now, though Rose had been trying to aquire her own flat. No one else was home; Rose's parents were staying at a friend's for the day and wouldn't be back until tomorrow, and she was at work. He should have been too, but he had called out that day. He had been calling out more often lately. He was bored. Terribly, frustratingly, excrutiatingly bored. Ever since that day, the day of his creation, of Davros's downfall, of the parting of the ways, his new life...he had been trying. It had been only six months, but sometimes it felt infinitely longer. Because of who he was, he had been given a position at this dimension's Torchwood, as well as a scientific advisor for UNIT. But... There were no more adventures. He couldn't simply come and go as he pleased. He had one planet now, not scores. Some deep, long-surpressed fibre of his soul was overjoyed at this; a home! A home again at last! Not the same, but a home none the less! A house, not a Tardis, but an actual house, with walls and floors and cupboards and closets and stuff in it...all with finite dimensions.

And at this moment, he_ hated _it.

Suddenly he heard the front door slam. He had almsot forgotten he was alone . "-anyone here for meeee?" a voice sang loudly and merrily, "I bought two tickets for paradise, so won't you come along and we'll see..." John sat up slightly. Rose. Dear, sweet Rose. He loved her with all his heart and soul, but he found even that was becoming a weak anchor for his wanderlust. He knew he had to talk to her about the whole matter at some point, he just wasn't sure when or how to begin. Suddenly, she strode into the room, carrying a small pint of ice cream and a spoon. Upon seeing him, she started and nearly dropped them,

"Oh! For heaven's sake...you nearly scared me half to death! I didn't realize you were home. Did you hear me a minute ago? ..Were you sleeping? Sorry!" she set the food on a small table, "Do you want some too? I'll grab another spoon."

Before he could open his mouth to decline, she had bounded back to the kitchen. She paused and leaned against the counter, hugging herself. She had seen his eyes when he turned to look at her. They were so terribly sad and hopeless, with an undercurrent of anger. He was still in the rumpled t-shirt and pajama pants he had been in since yesterday afternoon, and had obviously not shaved in a couple days. His utter lack of care about his appearance worried her as much as his mood. She too had sensed his frustrations as of late, but like him, had no clue where to start. Taking a breath to steady herself, she plucked another spoon from the untensil drawer and walked back to the library.

Not quite sure what to say, she tried "So...no work today, huh?"

"Apparently not. Didn't need me today..." he replied cooly, rolling his eyes and turning back to look out the window. He leaned back against the wall, putting a pillow behind him, and crossed his arms.

"Yeah, they let me and some of the other newer staff go about ten...slow day, nothing real exciting going on, so they didn't need us. Still get paid for a full day, so that 's good." said Rose, sitting herself on her favorite plush chair and grabbing her ice cream.

When he didn't respond after a minute, she proferred the ice cream, "Hmm?" she said, "It's really good. Banana cream pie...?" and wiggled it to get his attention.

He glanced at her, shook his head, and turned away again.

Her heart sank. There were days he was distant and melancholy, and they were getting more frequent, but today there was something different. Not only was he acting depressed, she now sensed he was being downright cold and indifferent, even a tad sarcastic.

She asked,"Okay...um, want to go catch a movie? There's a really good sounding action flick out now...it's about-"

"No thanks."

"Grab some food? Chips? I know how much you, we, love them."

"No."

"Go shopping? You did mention last week that you were considering some new jeans, and a jacket."

"No." at this his annoyance was beginning to leak into his voice.

"Erm...what _do_ you want to do?"

He didn't answer. He also felt his mask cracking, his calm disposition start to weaken. One thing about this human self he had quickly learned was that emotions were more difficult to conceal and control. That in of itself he found irritating, which only made it worse.

Rose bit her lip, "If it stops raining soon enough, want to...go to our hill and star-gaze?"

John clenched his fists, but she didn't see it, instead trying once more to elicit a proper response from him, "We could bring my dad's telescope, and a picnic, and-"

Suddenly, he couldn't take it anymore. The dam burst, and all his frustration, rage, sadness and everything else flooded out,

"And then what!?" he snarled, quickly standing to turn and face her, throwing the pillows away as he did, "_**What**_?! Talk about adventures we used to have and never will again? Look at stars that will never be more than distant points of light?! Torment myself with how trapped I am?!" he viscously kicked over a side table.

Shocked, Rose scrambled out of her chair and stood behind it, the ice cream falling to the floor. If there was one thing that had been burned into her instinct from her past travels, it was to find cover if attacked. She just never imagined an attack could come from him...

"I can't TAKE it anymore!" he roared, stomping about the room, kicking over any furniture that got in his way, "Don't you see?! Are you blind? Oh, I know you're not! You're smarter than that so what is it? Haven't you noticed how miserable I am? Eh?" he paused to stare at her, awaiting a response, and when after a second she didn't, he shook his head and continued to rant, "I hate it here! I'm stuck! Cornered! I feel trapped! I'm the bloody rat in the maze, but this maze has no exit! A_ job_? Seriously? Me?! A regular job? A normal house? Ha!"

He paused at the window to look up at the sky, "I'm used to having whole galaxy's at my fingertips! GALAXY'S! Whole systems and stars and time itself and everything! I'm used to _everything_! There was no place or time I couldn't go!"

Rose was honestly terrified; she had never seen this side of him. She had witnessed moments where his inner demons had begun to leak out, but he had always quickly shut them back in. Here and now, it was frightening. His eyes burned with a fury and pain she had seen only briefly before, but they weren't _his_ eyes, and they certinely hadn't been aimed at her. Still, she gathered her strength and attempted to redirect him with saying, "What...what about the Tardis piece you were given..? I know it takes a millenia or something for it to grow but didn't you say you found a way to-"

"I _lost_ it," he snapped bitterly, "True, I found an equation that if applied at precisely the right time to the coral's stability matrix controls, and fed it some powdered silica and oddly enough, apple juice, it would speed up it's maturity process exponentially from centuries to roughly a decade. _**But then I lost the damned paper and can't remember it!" **_he shoved a chair over, "And now I'm trapped!"

He swept a whole mess of books and papers from a table onto the floor in a new burst of rage, and flung the globe sitting next to them half way across the room, "One planet?! ONE?! I can't do that! I'm a_Time Lord _dammit! All the universe is mine to explore! It's my birthright! I'm...I'm...the...Do.."

John Smith sank to his knees, burying his face in his hands, suddenly spent as he realized what he had been about to say.

"No I'm not, not really, but...I'm...I'm not...I don't think I belong here." he managed to choke out.

Rose's knees were so weak she had to hold on to the chair to stay standing. She was crying quietly. She wanted to run to him, to hold him, to try and comfort him, though considering the rampage he had just went about, she was still afraid to even approach him. She couldn't help feeling scared and wounded. He had bascially just said that he didn't want to be here with her, after everything they had been through and everything she had done to try and reach him. Still, love was never easy, and loving this man was far more complicated. Her mind raced, trying to figure out a viable solution.

After a few terribly long minutes of silence, save John's quiet sobs, Rose made a decision and said softly,

"...Then go."

It was raining. Again. It was always raining. At least it seemed that way to him.

John (the name he had chosen to go with. ("For now", he had said, "it's not everyday one gets to pick his own name!") sat in the window seat of the library room, chin in his hand, staring blankly at the rain running down the glass pane. All four (well five, inlcluding Rose's little brother) lived in her father's mansion for now, though Rose had been trying to aquire her own flat. No one else was home; Rose's parents were staying at a friend's for the day and wouldn't be back until tomorrow, and she was at work. He should have been too, but he had called out that day. He had been calling out more often lately. He was bored. Terribly, frustratingly, excrutiatingly bored. Ever since that day, the day of his creation, of Davros's downfall, of the parting of the ways, his new life...he had been trying. It had been only six months, but sometimes it felt infinitely longer. Because of who he was, he had been given a position at this dimension's Torchwood, as well as a scientific advisor for UNIT. But... There were no more adventures. He couldn't simply come and go as he pleased. He had one planet now, not scores. Some deep, long-surpressed fibre of his soul was overjoyed at this; a home! A home again at last! Not the same, but a home none the less! A house, not a Tardis, but an actual house, with walls and floors and cupboards and closets and stuff in it...all with finite dimensions.

And at this moment, he_ hated _it.

Suddenly he heard the front door slam. He had almsot forgotten he was alone . "-anyone here for meeee?" a voice sang loudly and merrily, "I bought two tickets for paradise, so won't you come along and we'll see..." John sat up slightly. Rose. Dear, sweet Rose. He loved her with all his heart and soul, but he found even that was becoming a weak anchor for his wanderlust. He knew he had to talk to her about the whole matter at some point, he just wasn't sure when or how to begin. Suddenly, she strode into the room, carrying a small pint of ice cream and a spoon. Upon seeing him, she started and nearly dropped them,

"Oh! For heaven's sake...you nearly scared me half to death! I didn't realize you were home. Did you hear me a minute ago? ..Were you sleeping? Sorry!" she set the food on a small table, "Do you want some too? I'll grab another spoon."

Before he could open his mouth to decline, she had bounded back to the kitchen. She paused and leaned against the counter, hugging herself. She had seen his eyes when he turned to look at her. They were so terribly sad and hopeless, with an undercurrent of anger. He was still in the rumpled t-shirt and pajama pants he had been in since yesterday afternoon, and had obviously not shaved in a couple days. His utter lack of care about his appearance worried her as much as his mood. She too had sensed his frustrations as of late, but like him, had no clue where to start. Taking a breath to steady herself, she plucked another spoon from the untensil drawer and walked back to the library.

Not quite sure what to say, she tried "So...no work today, huh?"

"Apparently not. Didn't need me today..." he replied cooly, rolling his eyes and turning back to look out the window. He leaned back against the wall, putting a pillow behind him, and crossed his arms.

"Yeah, they let me and some of the other newer staff go about ten...slow day, nothing real exciting going on, so they didn't need us. Still get paid for a full day, so that 's good." said Rose, sitting herself on her favorite plush chair and grabbing her ice cream.

When he didn't respond after a minute, she proferred the ice cream, "Hmm?" she said, "It's really good. Banana cream pie...?" and wiggled it to get his attention.

He glanced at her, shook his head, and turned away again.

Her heart sank. There were days he was distant and melancholy, and they were getting more frequent, but today there was something different. Not only was he acting depressed, she now sensed he was being downright cold and indifferent, even a tad sarcastic.

She asked,"Okay...um, want to go catch a movie? There's a really good sounding action flick out now...it's about-"

"No thanks."

"Grab some food? Chips? I know how much you, we, love them."

"No."

"Go shopping? You did mention last week that you were considering some new jeans, and a jacket."

"No." at this his annoyance was beginning to leak into his voice.

"Erm...what _do_ you want to do?"

He didn't answer. He also felt his mask cracking, his calm disposition start to weaken. One thing about this human self he had quickly learned was that emotions were more difficult to conceal and control. That in of itself he found irritating, which only made it worse.

Rose bit her lip, "If it stops raining soon enough, want to...go to our hill and star-gaze?"

John clenched his fists, but she didn't see it, instead trying once more to elicit a proper response from him, "We could bring my dad's telescope, and a picnic, and-"

Suddenly, he couldn't take it anymore. The dam burst, and all his frustration, rage, sadness and everything else flooded out,

"And then what!?" he snarled, quickly standing to turn and face her, throwing the pillows away as he did, "_**What**_?! Talk about adventures we used to have and never will again? Look at stars that will never be more than distant points of light?! Torment myself with how trapped I am?!" he viscously kicked over a side table.

Shocked, Rose scrambled out of her chair and stood behind it, the ice cream falling to the floor. If there was one thing that had been burned into her instinct from her past travels, it was to find cover if attacked. She just never imagined an attack could come from him...

"I can't TAKE it anymore!" he roared, stomping about the room, kicking over any furniture that got in his way, "Don't you see?! Are you blind? Oh, I know you're not! You're smarter than that so what is it? Haven't you noticed how miserable I am? Eh?" he paused to stare at her, awaiting a response, and when after a second she didn't, he shook his head and continued to rant, "I hate it here! I'm stuck! Cornered! I feel trapped! I'm the bloody rat in the maze, but this maze has no exit! A_ job_? Seriously? Me?! A regular job? A normal house? Ha!"

He paused at the window to look up at the sky, "I'm used to having whole galaxy's at my fingertips! GALAXY'S! Whole systems and stars and time itself and everything! I'm used to _everything_! There was no place or time I couldn't go!"

Rose was honestly terrified; she had never seen this side of him. She had witnessed moments where his inner demons had begun to leak out, but he had always quickly shut them back in. Here and now, it was frightening. His eyes burned with a fury and pain she had seen only briefly before, but they weren't _his_ eyes, and they certinely hadn't been aimed at her. Still, she gathered her strength and attempted to redirect him with saying, "What...what about the Tardis piece you were given..? I know it takes a millenia or something for it to grow but didn't you say you found a way to-"

"I _lost_ it," he snapped bitterly, "True, I found an equation that if applied at precisely the right time to the coral's stability matrix controls, and fed it some powdered silica and oddly enough, apple juice, it would speed up it's maturity process exponentially from centuries to roughly a decade. _**But then I lost the damned paper and can't remember it!" **_he shoved a chair over, "And now I'm trapped!"

He swept a whole mess of books and papers from a table onto the floor in a new burst of rage, and flung the globe sitting next to them half way across the room, "One planet?! ONE?! I can't do that! I'm a_Time Lord _dammit! All the universe is mine to explore! It's my birthright! I'm...I'm...the...Do.."

John Smith sank to his knees, burying his face in his hands, suddenly spent as he realized what he had been about to say.

"No I'm not, not really, but...I'm...I'm not...I don't think I belong here." he managed to choke out.

Rose's knees were so weak she had to hold on to the chair to stay standing. She was crying quietly. She wanted to run to him, to hold him, to try and comfort him, though considering the rampage he had just went about, she was still afraid to even approach him. She couldn't help feeling scared and wounded. He had bascially just said that he didn't want to be here with her, after everything they had been through and everything she had done to try and reach him. Still, love was never easy, and loving this man was far more complicated. Her mind raced, trying to figure out a viable solution.

After a few terribly long minutes of silence, save John's quiet sobs, Rose made a decision and said softly,

"...Then go."


	2. Chapter 2

He froze for a moment, then looked quickly up at her, "What?!" he snapped, harsher then he had meant. Taking a deep breath he tried again, "What?"

Stepping out from behind her chair and over some scattered books, she repeated,

"Then go. Do some traveling. It's just one planet yes, but there's a lot to see and do. You, well...you once told me that even you hadn't seen everything on Earth, and that was the other one. This is a whole new Earth for you, and a lot of things are very different here...go explore it."

He stared into her eyes, full of sadness, and guilt, and fear, but also...that firey determination and strength that he had fallen in love with so long ago. No matter what happened, that fire never went out. And then he remembered...why he was still alive, how his own internal madness and torment hadn't destroyed him ages ago, how he had begun to heal. Slowly, he arose to his feet.

"You're...telling me to leave?" he said finally. He was confused; she had no idea if or when he'd return, yet here she was, telling him to follow his single heart for his own sake, never mind her own.

Rose nodded slightly, "I...I love you. I've decided that this-this just isn't fair. I'd rather see you happy and gone than miserable and here...I just...want you to be careful. And call me. Sometimes. I want to know you're safe. I mean, what am I saying? You've been through worse...but I-"

In three steps, he crossed the space between them and grabbed her tightly, kissing her. The sudden change confused her, and for a moment she stiffened, startled. Then she relaxed and returned his embrace as he continued to kiss her mouth, her face, her hair. He buried his face in it and said,

"You're a paradox, Rose Tyler...you'd risk your life, risk _everything_, tear time and space itself apart for me and now you tell me to go?"

"I told you...I want to see you happy. I'll not cage you if that's not what you want...even if it breaks my heart to do so. Just...come back to fix it sometimes yeah?" she manged a chuckle, "And to be perfectly honest, if I may, I don't think I could do domestic all the time either, not anymore."

He tilted her chin up to look at her,

"Then come with me." and bent his head to kiss her again.

This time she did not protest, but eagerly responded. They had been romantic before, had kissed plenty of times, but now there was something new in his kisses and his touch; something more urgent and strong. She felt her heart flutter and knees weaken again. Abruptly, he picked her up and plopped her on the desk so her legs straddled his waist, pulling her tightly against himself as he continued his passionate assault. She barely had a second to gasp from surprise before his mouth covered hers again. Tangling her fingers in that amazing hair of his, she moaned into his kiss, prompting his hands to tighten their grip on her body. A hot blush arose in her cheeks as she felt how his thin cotton pants betrayed him. Goosebumps flared across her skin and now she was truly wondering how far he wanted to go...not that she would challenge it. Heaven knew how much she had wanted him. Her question was answered as he moved to her ear and said firmly, his breath shaky,

"I need you..."

"I need you too..." she whispered.

In response, he pulled off his shirt in one tug and tossed it on the floor. Rose's blush deepened. Only once before had she seen him without his shirt (during the summer when they had gone swimming), but these circumstances were quite different. She slid off her cardigan and boots, and let him "help" her with her blouse. Reaching for her hair-clip, she undid it to let her thick, golden hair cascade around her shoulders and gave him a coy little smile. He drank in the sight of her, not caring anymore; this is what they had both wanted and excused away for so long, but no more. Grabbing her around the waist, he hoisted her up again to hold her against the wall, sliding his hands under the silken tank-top she still wore while pressing his lips to hers again. Rose shuddered-his lustful aggression turned her on more than she had imagined. Oh, how she had dreamed of this, but now here it was actually happening. Her noises and shivers driving him mad, he kissed her once more, then scooped her up and carried her to his room...

Later (much later), they lay curled up together, watching the rain through his layered red curtains. The light that filtered through cast a warm glow over the room. Suddenly now, the rain didn't seem so bad after all. John sighed softly and massaged her shoulder before saying,

"I just realized something about this adventure."

"Mmm...what's that?" she asked sleepily, turning over to face him.

"Our passports are only good for the immediately surrounding countries. If we want to go any further, it'll be difficult."

She raised her eyebrow and said "Since when have _you, of all people,_ ever followed the rules? Besides, have you forgotten our Torchwood badges come with some interesting perks?" then smiled impishly.

A big grin lit up his face, "You're absolutely correct," he leaned in to give her a quick kiss, "So when are we leaving?"

"It's up to you, Mr. Adventure...although the sooner we do, the better, probably,"

She reached out, stroked his face, and with a laugh said "And after you've had a shave. You look perfectly awful."

"Oi, I kind of like it. I may just keep this look for a bit. And speak for yourself," he retorted, "Your hair looks like a wad of static and your makeup is all a mess...oh, that's probably my fault actually."

She gasped in mock disgust, "I blame all that energy you had! Though if you had to apply it somewhere I won't-"

He sat up like a shot, "Wait! Energy...application..." He stared into space, eyes wide, mind spinning.

"...What?" asked Rose, slightly concerned.

Tearing away the blanket, he leaped out of bed and dashed for his desk, nearly slipping as he went. Ripping a sheet of paper from a pile of odds and ends, he flipped it over, snatched up a pencil and began to scribble furiously,

"That's it! I think that's it!" he laughed, "The right amount of energy, applied to the mass of the coral, amplified several times, divided by it's density, use the good old Boxarian's Quantum Theory equation with a dash of trigonometry, throw in the silica and juice and cross your fingers and **there we go!" **he dropped the pencil and grabbed the paper up, "Here it is! This is it! I remembered the equation!"

"Really?!" Rose also scrambled to get up, "Let me see!"

He held out the paper, and she tried to read it-but quickly realized it might as well have been an alien language, with all the mathematical symbols and complex equations. There was a good chance it was, anyway.

"So does this mean...?" she wondered.

"Yes!" he practically danced with excitement, "It means I can speed up this Tardis's maturity cycle to 10.416 years! Look out universe! We'll be back in action!"

"So no wild globe-trotting then?" she asked.

"Bah, of course not! We still need a vacation. Pack your things Miss Tyler, we're out of here! Well, please don't pack too many things...I remember the last time you-"

Laughing, she threw a pillow at him.

Very early the next morning, at the train station, Rose and John stood in front of the schedule board, studying it. After further discussion, they had decided to head out the next day, considering how late it was once they had gotten themselves in order and the library cleaned up. Before leaving, Rose wrote a heartfelt letter of explanation to her parents, assuring them they'd be okay, and that this was something they both desperately needed. They also packed their savings, and their Torchwood ID badges, knowing they would come in handy. So now they stood hand-in-hand, considering all the possibilities for adventure.

"Where to?" she asked after a minute.

He looked at her and shrugged, "Where do you want to go?"

Staring back at him, a sudden flash of memory came to her...confusion and chaos, a new man wearing the same clothes standing before her. The word escaped her lips before she even realized it,

"...Barcelona."

"Barcelona." he echoed with a grin.


End file.
